Sometimes I don't listen well.
Sometimes I don't want to do what I know I should.
Several years ago Mark hurt my feelings.
He didn't even know what he had done, he soooo didn't know what he had said, and that hurt even more. Had he said it in anger or something I could have excused it but he was perfectly fine it was just an honest statement.
I didn't say anything but I went into the bedroom, locked the door and pulled the covers up over my face and cried and asked why I had ever married him. You know sort of like a grown mature Christian woman would do. (Not)
I was hurt for three whole days.
I had never stayed hurt or mad for this long, I knew it was wrong and knew something was going to have to be done.
I walked into the bedroom, shut the door and put my hand up like you do when you are going to stop someone and I said, "I know God, I know what you want me to do, I know what you are going to tell me and I don't want to hear it so I'm not going to talk about it. I'm going to read my Bible but I don't want to talk about.
God didn't say anything so I sat down on the bed and started reading my Bible.
I had been studying the book of Mark so when I opened it up it was at Mark chapter three.
I looked down and read these exact words, "He, (Jesus) looked around at them in anger and deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts."
I quickly closed my Bible.
What was that doing in there?
Why did I have to read about Jesus being distressed over someone's stubborn heart?
Couldn't I just enjoy having a stubborn heart?
I thought back about coming into the bedroom and telling God I didn't want to talk about my bad behavior.
In my minds eye I saw God and the Holy Spirit standing there sort of like parents do and God told the Holy Spirit, "She won't listen to me, you deal with her."
I guess that's as it should be since the Bible says the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin.
He convicted me and I told God I was sorry and I knew what I had to do.
I got my shoes and put them on and went down to the greenhouse.
I saw all four of the kids looking out Heidi's upstairs bedroom window and they said, "There she goes."
I was ashamed it had taken so long for them to see me go but glad I was going.
I went in and said I was sorry and all was well.
I've never forgot that lesson, I think of it often.
I don't ever want to have a stubborn heart and I'm glad God just plain and simple called me on it when He saw it.
I'm glad He pours grace all over my stubborn heart and softens it up.
I'm glad He saves me from myself.