Friday, January 3, 2014

My Dad

Our focus has been on mom this last week and that's as it should be with all that has been going on with her but today my dad is on my heart and in my mind.

While my brothers and I were growing up dad was a quiet man. He didn't talk a lot but mostly stood back and listened as others talked.

As he has gotten older that's changed. Now he is a talker. Now he actually goes up and starts conversations with people he doesn't even know.

Our dad was like a lot of your dads were at the time.

They worked long hours and you didn't spend as much time with them as you did with your mom.

Dad often worked twelve hour days at his public job then came home worked on his own farm plus almost daily worked on his fathers farm.

I know my dad didn't like his public job, he was glad to have it of course but I'm sure there were days he didn't want to go.

I don't think my brothers and I understood that until we were older because Dad never complained. He provided for us because he wanted to.
He took care of us in his quiet way because we were his and he loved us.

My brothers and I have talked a lot as we have sat and waited this last week.
We've talked about mom and dad as I know mom and dad have sat and talked about us.
That's just sort of what family does isn't it?

We've talked about the things we love about family and the things we regret the things we treasure and the things we wish had never been.

Mistakes made and things done right.

The boys and I (my brothers, I still say the boys)  have talked about how good dad is to mom.
Maybe even to good.

He tends to baby her to much.

We laughed and said he is either babying her or she is doing something to drive him over the edge  and he is calling her a crazy old woman  so I guess babying is best

This week has been hard on my dad.

I have only seen my dad break down and cry one time and even then it was for just a very few minutes.

It was after my grandpa, dad's dad passed away and I can still see him standing against the kitchen sink talking on the phone to his sister, my Aunt Audrey  and he started to cry.

 The other day Brian told me, that mom told him  dad would want to cry through all this but he wouldn't let himself.

She knows him well.

I said I haven't seen my dad cry but I have felt his body shake.

I don't share this in anyway other than to honor my dad and most likely your dad too.

It speaks to the way our fathers were raised.

It isn't about the right or wrong, of expressing feelings or not expressing feelings it's just simply about the way we all know it is.
I remember distinct times I sat beside him in a funeral home and I didn't hear a sound but I felt his body shake.

That happened twice this week.

I stood close enough to him as we were with mom to feel him shake but never go ahead and cry.

I didn't do anything.

I didn't reach out and touch him.

Something told me not to.

I just stood there. I knew he wouldn't want to break and sometimes you have to honor that.

He is with her again this morning and I laughed when I talked to him.

The tables had turned, you know how mom is always talking to me on the phone and then she says,
"Dave, do you want to talk to Kelly, DAVE, KELLY IS ON THE PHONE DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER?"

 I called the hospital and it was dad saying to mom, "Hanna, Kelly's on the phone, do you want to talk to her?"  Hanna, I said Kelly's on the phone!"

I guess it's true, the more things change the more they stay the same.

God bless you dad and mom.

2 comments:

  1. What a lovely tribute to your dad, Kelly! He and your mother sound like real treasures. Cherish them...not everyone is so blessed.
    I'm so glad your mom is doing better. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
    Hugs from the Valley.

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  2. I think most fathers are like yours, at least when it comes to showing any feelings....I know with my own dad, I only ever saw him show any sign of grief was when his brother passed at a young age, and when they thought I was going to pass.....I never even heard him say he loved me, until then....And I was in my 30's.....But , I always knew he did....without saying....

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